Explanation

Ok, so many of you already know this and are concerned. I understand your concern, but many of you also don't know why.

Ever since my first week of school here at BYU, I have felt like I don't need to be here. For the reasons many of you are concerned, I thought, "No, rediculous, I'm finishing school and getting a degree". I couldn't get it out of my mind though.

One night, I couldn't sleep. So I said, "Fine, what would I do otherwise?" SUDDENLY, my mind was flooded with ideas and things that I really want in my life. It just fit. I got excited about it! I went to my roommates' room next door and told them about it.

No, it has nothing to do with Chris. He was not part of this decision making process.

ONE: My whole life I have planned on being a stay at home mom. I am a HUGE believer in mothers staying home and raising the kids. So I wouldn't even use my degree for years.

TWO: I want nothing more in my life than to be done with money problems. I want this trial to pass. So why am I getting into a lifetime of debt for an education that I won't use? I just want to work and finally be on top in my life. I also don't think debt is very wise in this day and age. Some hard times are coming and I don't want to start my life with a college debt on top of my husband's.

THREE: I hate school. I really don't enjoy it anymore. The first day of classes this semester when we learned about all the assignments we will be doing, I wanted to throw up. I don't want to do it anymore.

FOUR: Family is #1 in my life. It always has been. I am going to live in Alaska the rest of my life, so I want to be with my family AS MUCH as I can now. I have 4 nieces and nephews just down the street in Missouri that barely know me. I want to built a relationship with them and my sister, watch my brother grow up more, and be with my parents.

FIVE: I WANT TO PAINT!! That is what I want to do in my life...be a mom and an artist. I look at paintings and get excited. I look at the strokes and the color mixing. I want to do it so badly! I know I can learn here, but it's expensive. I want to take a class in Missouri.

SIX: What more can I say than that the Lord wants me home. I don't know why....we never know why....I just know that He is telling me to go home.

I got a blessing from Chris a while ago. He said that the Lord is pleased with my decisions. I have found great PEACE and COMFORT in this decision. I am so excited to get started. I will finish off this year and go home in the spring. I will get a job, start saving money and start paying off one year of student loans. And I will start to paint!!

It has been hard knowing that people I have earned respect from in my life have thought of my decision as a mistake. But if I don't do this to please others, I would be making the biggest mistake of my life. Have no fear my friends and family. I know that I am doing what the Lord has asked. Thank you and I love you all.